My feet are filed. That was a last thing I did before I took my bag, left my crying children and took the Q train to Manhattan. I tried to feel sad when I left them crying and begging me to stay but, sorry, I was happy. Because I was on my way to try to transform a part of me, again.
It was rainy and windy and despite of my very bad sense of orientation when I come to a new place here in New York - which is never a case in other places - I finally found this trendy, super nice and cool studio called Pure Yoga on 203 East 86th Street. It is that kind of studio where you feel like you are in a Spa even when you use the bathroom. I washed my hands twice because the soap was smelling luxurious and because I had cut onions and garlic for dinner the same afternoon.
I had never been there before, and in my very fancy pants I was eagerly waiting for a workshop about Yoga for Transformation with Seane Corn to start. I have to say that I was more than just excited because I had been following her for years on social media. So I had a hard time sitting still and acting like I am a cool one. And when my dear teacher Sarah Platt Finger and my friend Amanda Shafran came in in the same room, I wanted to scream with happiness. Which I almost did.
Than SHE came in. With her most beautiful smile. “So let’s come closer to each other’- she said. “Transformation is a process of discovery. To be able to do this kind of discovery is a privilege which is based on the freedom. So how come we do not dare to do that to empower ourselves?” I wrote like crazy to be able to capture every word. “We have to say yes when transformation is calling us, and if we can help others to do the same, we should. Because Yoga means unity. Unity within ourselves on many different levels, with our community, country, the World and the Universe. Everything that happens, happens for a reason, not just for your own spiritual path but also to evolve the path of the World. We can change ourselves, and therefore also people around us. The intellectual part of me wanted to hear more about everything she said, but we didn’t have time. So we moved on.
“Trauma happens with everybody, she continued, sooner or later. This is also what is happening with the part of the world we call USA.” That was the time when I felt that even if my language skills sometimes fail me, this one I didn’t need any clarification, it was in my whole body and also in the rest of the room. We moved farther.
“Trauma happens with everybody and it is just a matter of time before it comes to our life. So also in the life of a country. So if I can manage to take responsibility for my traumatic emotions from the past, it can also help others to find the missing part in their lives. It also gives us a better understanding about other people’s bad choices. So hate is not an answer to hate, but understanding. Everybody tries to do their best from the places and traumas they are coming from and if we want peace, we need to understand each other. what we can not see, can we not change.”
“Therefore, Yoga is for everybody and it crosses over religions, beliefs, gender and the color of our skin. It is a tool to make us come to a united place with ourselves, it releases tensions and blocked energies so we can be enlighten and meet others with respect. Because what is the ultimate state of Yoga, is Samadhi, and Samadhi is Love with ourselves and with others. “
Then we took a break and began to practice those words on our mats. And my tensions and generational stress and life patterns slowly come back to me. I was breathing into this pain, suffering, anxiety, hunger, judgments and death to understand it and release it. Tear by tear. So even the last one can go. So I don’t give away this pattern to my children. Because this is MY DAMN DUTY. For shit is happening to everybody, but why give my shit to those who have nothing to do with that?
Yes, you can ask me, are you transformed? Can you possibly be able to do that after three hours? No. This is a lifelong journey, and when you start you want more. Here I am writing these words to you, because I believe it and I love it. And if I can give just one person a new reflection, then I did my job.
My life continues and I went home where my children were still up and waiting for me and I put them to bed and told them that I love them and yes, we are going to rescue their stuffed pets if there is a fire, and yes, I am going to be with them even if I die. But not yet. Because I still have some shit to take care of.