A dance with a fear is like a 80's Rave party.....
Life can be challenging. Like last Thursday. I was in a constant fear all the way from my yoga studio ISHTA to H&M, which is four blocks away. My mission was to buy gloves to my children, because the weather suddenly changed and the mornings are much cooler now.
I had a choice to no do that but because of the shame and a quilt to not taking care of the most important people in my life I challenged my mind and took a the the 5th avenue with all the traffic, clouds of people and the constant sounds of the sirens all over Manhattan. The other way with I didn't choose was the train home, a cosy blanket over my face and a bad feeling in my gut that i couldn't fix it.
So I took the left. No, it wasn't funny and not even Peter Ferko's amazing podcast in my ears could help me to not sweat and be dizzy. But I did. High five for me! Basacly I should be in harmony that moment because it was after my meditation class but I wasn't. That day we had an heart rebalancing mediation class and Peter Ferko who was subbing for Alan Finger that day and who is one of my true teachers said: "Life can be seen as a dance and you can wait and see what the next wonder in your life that you can dance with."
So Peter, I have THE dance with my fear today. It was a freacking 80's Rave dance with a tons of smog, cigarette hanging out from my mouth and a way to much alcohol in my body.( No drugs, because i don't know how it feels. )I was hight on a bad way, I couldn't see clear and I couldn't move straight. It was a my lonely, smoky, bullshity and freaking heartbreaking dance. This partner of my just hold my hands and when I said leave my, it took me even closer. I hate the smell of it, I hate to be close to it. It doesn't gave me anything but just take my joy of life away from me. It brings me in a place of bad memories and this is not the partner I want to dance with. The dance was not forever. It took maybe an hour. But it was an hour too much.
Later, the same night my child asked me if I have a fear for the darkness,because he has. I said, you know I don't fear the darkness as much, but I have other fears. He asked me, mom, why do we have a fear, it doesn't make sense. And I said, no, it is just a bad dance with the life in our brain. Oh, he said, and he took a deep breath and continued with his.
I want to be like him again. Somebody given me an answer to my worries, I say oh, and I just move on and choose on other dance. Lord, keep the children be children for a long time and give us back the believe that a simple answer to our worries make us just move on with no doubt.