A dance with a fear is like a 80's Rave party.....

A dance with a fear is like a 80's Rave party.....

Life can be challenging. Like last Thursday. I was in a constant fear all the way from my yoga studio ISHTA to H&M, which is four blocks away. My mission was to buy gloves to my children, because the weather suddenly changed and the mornings are much cooler now.  

I had a choice to no do that but because of the shame and a quilt to not taking care of the most important people in my life I challenged my mind and took a the the 5th avenue with all the traffic, clouds of people and the constant sounds of the sirens all over Manhattan. The other way with I didn't choose was the train home, a cosy blanket over my face and a bad feeling in my gut that i couldn't fix it. 

So I took the left. No, it wasn't funny and not even Peter Ferko's amazing podcast in my ears could help me to not sweat and be dizzy. But I did. High five for me! Basacly I should be in harmony that moment because it was after my meditation class but I wasn't. That day we had an heart rebalancing mediation class and Peter Ferko who was subbing for Alan Finger that day and who is one of my true teachers said: "Life can be seen as a dance and you can wait and see what the next wonder in your life that you can dance with." 

So Peter, I have THE dance with my fear today. It was a freacking 80's Rave dance with a tons of smog, cigarette hanging out from my mouth and a way to much alcohol in my body.( No drugs, because i don't know how it feels. )I was hight on a bad way, I couldn't see clear and I couldn't move straight. It was a my lonely, smoky, bullshity and freaking heartbreaking dance. This partner of my just hold my hands and when I said leave my, it took me even closer. I hate the smell of it, I hate to be close to it. It doesn't gave me anything but just take my joy of life away from me. It brings me in a place of bad memories and this is not the partner I want to dance with. The dance was not forever. It took maybe an hour. But it was an hour too much. 

Later, the same night my child asked me if I have a fear for the darkness,because he has. I said, you know I don't fear the darkness as much, but I have other fears. He asked me, mom, why do we have a fear, it doesn't make sense. And I said, no, it is just a bad dance with the life in our brain. Oh, he said, and he took a deep breath and continued with his. 

I want to be like him again. Somebody given me an answer to my worries, I say oh, and I just move on and choose on other dance. Lord, keep the children be children for a long time and give us back the believe that a simple answer to our worries make us just move on with no doubt. 

 

Namaste 

 

 

Happy New You

Happy New You

What happening with the genius in us?

What happening with the genius in us?

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